Boy, Am I Green

I am not generally a jealous person. In most cases, I am happy when I hear of friends' successes and only occasionally do I assume that someone has slept their way to the top. I sent cards to congratulate others, and going away parties for those who actually get out of this craphole town. Heck, I even throw baby and wedding showers, though not both at once. Ok, so those are really just celebrations for me that I'm not the one going through it, but they don't know that. However, this week I fear that the green-eyed monster has reared its ugly head. No, I don't mean the one living in the bowl in my fridge. That's right folks, I'm talking envy. Not the kind you get when your best friend comes up with a money-making way of getting rid of crap. I mean the 'why is your life so much better than mine? you suck' type of envy. It's a little shocking that I've had this reaction, so bear with me. I just found out that a friend of mine has moved to Hawaii. He & his wife just sold everything and headed down there on a whim. They might live there 6 months, they might stay there for good. It was a bit of a surprise, so I e-mailed him to get the gory details. Not only does he tell me how great it is there...he sends pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. The beautiful ocean, clear sky, pristine beaches, swaying palm trees, the works. Now he and his wife are both gorgeous, so their 4 year old daughter obviously got their good genes. So not only are they almost perfect physically, but now they live in a perfect place too. Frankly, it's almost nauseating. I never begrudge people their good looks, cuz no matter how unattractive we may think we are, there's always someone uglier to make us feel better. But it's a little disgusting to see someone else getting to do the things you know you could be doing also. It's not their fault at all, but it takes a little sting out of it when you can blame it on them. I really have no reason to gripe. I am single, and I could go anywhere I wanted if I really took the initiative. I've done commercial and house cleaning and I've waitressed, so even if I couldn't find a job in my current career, there's always something to fall back on. But right now, I have a job I love and I feel like I should stay close to my family and help out. Is that a copout? Absolutely. Should I either quit whining about my circumstances or change them? Definitely. Am I going to do either of those? Not a chance. I am a gutless wonder, so I will have to live life vicariously through my friends. But in the spirit of goodwill, I hope it rains in Hawaii today.