Ok, so here I am starting my own little blog, though I really have no idea why. It wasn't like I ever got an award in a Creative Writing class. And even I know that my life is incredibly boring. Plus, I've never really been the "Dear Diary, today I met a boy who ate mud and he was so dreamy" type. If I had written a diary, I'm pretty sure I would have included things like "today I snorted coke and it was fun" just to see if my mother was snooping in it. Of course, then she would have probably chained me to a radiator or put me in drug rehab, and my life would have been radically different. Anyhoo, I make no promises of brilliance or even coherent thought, but maybe if my mental ragings are put down on paper, I won't grind my teeth at night. Here's hoping.Today, I got a call from my grandfather at work. He was all worked up over the prank calls he's been getting. It's been going on for about 6 weeks now, with him receiving at least 2-3 hang-up calls a day. It's usually over the noon hour over shortly after, right when he's either eating or taking a nap. He's eighty years old, so he's pretty sure that someone is trying to kill him. The caller never says anything like, "I pooped my pants! YAAAAAYYYY!", so I'm pretty sure Gramps isn't being scouted out by Crank Yankers or anything.
Now, being the brilliant detective I am, I started putting clues together.Clue #1: I have a fourteen year old nephew who is homeshooled and is at home by himself all day.Clue #2: Said nephew has ADHD and uses it as an excuse for bad behavior.Clue #3: My nephew rarely gets up before noon and never actually does his homework when he says he does. (I used to homeschool him, so I know things)Clue #4: He has access to a phone.Once my Dick Tracy-like skills were in high gear, I suggested the possibility to my grandfather. I pointed out that BigBrat, as we shall affectionately refer to him, knows my grandfather's schedule well. So I offered a way to clear up the mystery: the next time the sneaky caller rang him up, use the dreaded call return feature - *69. Naturally, this confused him, what with the phone being such a newfangled contraption and all. So I wrote down the instructions and showed him what keys to push on the phone and left left him to work the magic.Now then, back to the call today. He had used *69, and shock of all shocks, it came from my nephew. I was stunned, almost as much as when I heard Ashlee Simpson had a crappy voice to go along with her bad dancing. Who'da thunk it? So I got on the phone and told my nephew off, informing him that the next time it happened, he didn't want to know what the repercussions were going to be. Yeah, I know, it's a pretty empty threat. But my mother used it on me, and my imaginings were always worse than any real punishment could have been. My nephew proceeds to swear he had nothing to do with it, he had been working on homework, and he hadn't touched the phone all day. M'kay. Just one little problem. An automated phone service doesn't lie. It's not like there's some evil person on the other end, trying to frame innocent 14 year olds for heinous phone pranks. Get real.By the time he tells the story the second time, while in (fake) tears to his mother, the poor child was sound asleep when I called and had no idea what I was talking about. I was just so angry and he was so in fear for his life (since I apparently have the ability to kill children over the phone), that he didn't know what to say. Oh, gee, I don't know, the truth might have been helpful.But, wait! There's more! The final story he ends with a few hours later is that he had indeed called him in error, while trying to contact my mom, and hung up not knowing it had already rung. But whoops! Mom never got a call from BigBrat at work that day. She even asked the receptionists, who keep a log. And the hits just keep on coming.Now what makes me mad is not that he pranked his grandfather once. Leave a kid alone with a phone and strange things happen. When I was about 8 years old, I was at my great-aunt's house with my cousin and we were playing on the phone, breathing heavy and all that. The problem? My aunt picked up the upstairs phone to make a call and heard us. Not knowing that we were playing, she erroneously thought it was her estranged husband calling, needing help because he was having a heart attack (he had a well-known difficulty with his pumper). When the truth came out, we were strongly scolded and were afraid of touching a phone for years.But the problem I have is that he did this for 6 weeks and then lied about it. Duh, McFly, when you're caught, you're caught. Admit it, apologize and go on. But don't try to be a CIA agent with your elaborate stories that no one believes. Except, apparently his parents. Somehow, through all of this, I became the bad guy for busting him, and Grandpa became the crazy old man who doesn't know how to use a phone. What are the odds? Believe the habitual liar over two fairly sane adults? It's times like this, I sympathize with Andrea Yates.What do ya know? I guess I do have something to write about.
Now, being the brilliant detective I am, I started putting clues together.Clue #1: I have a fourteen year old nephew who is homeshooled and is at home by himself all day.Clue #2: Said nephew has ADHD and uses it as an excuse for bad behavior.Clue #3: My nephew rarely gets up before noon and never actually does his homework when he says he does. (I used to homeschool him, so I know things)Clue #4: He has access to a phone.Once my Dick Tracy-like skills were in high gear, I suggested the possibility to my grandfather. I pointed out that BigBrat, as we shall affectionately refer to him, knows my grandfather's schedule well. So I offered a way to clear up the mystery: the next time the sneaky caller rang him up, use the dreaded call return feature - *69. Naturally, this confused him, what with the phone being such a newfangled contraption and all. So I wrote down the instructions and showed him what keys to push on the phone and left left him to work the magic.Now then, back to the call today. He had used *69, and shock of all shocks, it came from my nephew. I was stunned, almost as much as when I heard Ashlee Simpson had a crappy voice to go along with her bad dancing. Who'da thunk it? So I got on the phone and told my nephew off, informing him that the next time it happened, he didn't want to know what the repercussions were going to be. Yeah, I know, it's a pretty empty threat. But my mother used it on me, and my imaginings were always worse than any real punishment could have been. My nephew proceeds to swear he had nothing to do with it, he had been working on homework, and he hadn't touched the phone all day. M'kay. Just one little problem. An automated phone service doesn't lie. It's not like there's some evil person on the other end, trying to frame innocent 14 year olds for heinous phone pranks. Get real.By the time he tells the story the second time, while in (fake) tears to his mother, the poor child was sound asleep when I called and had no idea what I was talking about. I was just so angry and he was so in fear for his life (since I apparently have the ability to kill children over the phone), that he didn't know what to say. Oh, gee, I don't know, the truth might have been helpful.But, wait! There's more! The final story he ends with a few hours later is that he had indeed called him in error, while trying to contact my mom, and hung up not knowing it had already rung. But whoops! Mom never got a call from BigBrat at work that day. She even asked the receptionists, who keep a log. And the hits just keep on coming.Now what makes me mad is not that he pranked his grandfather once. Leave a kid alone with a phone and strange things happen. When I was about 8 years old, I was at my great-aunt's house with my cousin and we were playing on the phone, breathing heavy and all that. The problem? My aunt picked up the upstairs phone to make a call and heard us. Not knowing that we were playing, she erroneously thought it was her estranged husband calling, needing help because he was having a heart attack (he had a well-known difficulty with his pumper). When the truth came out, we were strongly scolded and were afraid of touching a phone for years.But the problem I have is that he did this for 6 weeks and then lied about it. Duh, McFly, when you're caught, you're caught. Admit it, apologize and go on. But don't try to be a CIA agent with your elaborate stories that no one believes. Except, apparently his parents. Somehow, through all of this, I became the bad guy for busting him, and Grandpa became the crazy old man who doesn't know how to use a phone. What are the odds? Believe the habitual liar over two fairly sane adults? It's times like this, I sympathize with Andrea Yates.What do ya know? I guess I do have something to write about.
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